My Youth in Prison
Chenxi Hebei Province
People all say that one’s youth is the most wonderful and pure time in his life. Maybe many people’s youth is full of beautiful memories, yet even I myself had never expected that I would spend my youth in prison. Maybe you will cast a different look at me, yet I won’t regret it. Although my youth in prison is full of bitterness and tears, it is the most precious gift in my life, and I have gained a lot from that.
I was born in a happy family and believed in Jesus with my mom from childhood. When I was 15 years old, my family and I were certain that Almighty God is the returned Jesus, and we accepted Almighty God’s end-time work happily.
One day in April 2002, a sister and I, 17 years old, performed duty in a place. At 1 a.m., we were in a sound sleep in the host home. Suddenly we were awakened by a rapid knocking. We heard someone shout loudly outside, “Open the door! Open the door!” The auntie of the host home had barely opened the door when several cops flung it open and piled in, saying aggressively, “We’re the police.” Hearing the word “police,” I immediately became nervous: Have they come to arrest us for our believing in God? I’ve heard that some brothers and sisters were arrested and persecuted for believing in God. Will it come upon me today? At that time, my heart was thumping violently. In panic, I was at a loss. So I prayed to God hurriedly, “God! Please be with me. Give me faith and courage. No matter what happens, I’m willing to stand testimony for you. May you give me wisdom and the proper words to say. May you keep me from betraying you or selling out the brothers and sisters.” After the prayer, my heart gradually calmed down. I saw four or five evil cops rummaging through the room like bandits, searching in the quilts on the bed, every cabinet and box, and under the bed. Finally, they found the books of God’s word and the disks of hymns. The leading evil cop said to me seriously, “These things prove that you’re a believer in God. Come with us. We’ll take a statement from you and make a record.” I was startled and said, “If you have anything to say, just say it here. I don’t want to go with you.” He immediately put on a smile and said to me, “Don’t be afraid. We’ll just take a statement and you’ll be back after a while.” I believed him and got into the police car with them.
Unexpectedly, it became the starting point of my prison life.
As soon as we entered the yard of the police station, those evil cops shouted loudly to me to get out of the car. Their faces changed so fast, completely different from before. I entered into an office, and then several big cops came in. They stood on both sides of me with an aggressive manner. Their head roared at me, “What’s your name? Where are you from? How many people have come with you?” Just after I spoke two words, he darted forward and slapped me twice. I was stunned all at once. I thought, “I haven’t finished my words yet. Why do you beat me? How come you are so rude and brutal, so different from the people’s police in my imagination?” Then he continued to ask me how old I was. I told him truthfully that I was 17. Then he again slapped me hard twice, and abused that I was lying. Later, no matter what I said, he kept slapping me without reason. I saw stars and my head reeled, my ears buzzed, and my face was painfully hot. Then I finally understood that those evil cops took me there not to ask me questions at all but to let me absolutely obey them by violence. I remembered that the brothers and sisters had said before that it wouldn’t work to reason with those evil cops, which would only bring incessant disasters. Today I truly experienced it personally. Afterward, I said nothing no matter what they asked me. Seeing that I didn’t speak anything, they shouted abuses at me, “Damn you! If we don’t give you some color, you won’t confess honestly!” With those words, one of them punched my chest fiercely twice. I staggered and fell to the ground heavily. He kicked me hard twice, and then dragged me up from the ground. He loudly ordered me to kneel down. I refused, so he kicked my knees several times. With a severe pain, I flopped down on my knees. Then he pulled my hair downward hard, and then suddenly pulled it backward fiercely, so that my face was upward. As he shouted curses, he fiercely slapped me twice again. I felt faint and dizzy as if the sky and earth were spinning around and fell on the floor. Then, the head of the evil cops suddenly saw the watch on my wrist. He shouted with greedy eyes, “What’s on your wrist?” One cop immediately came up, and he grabbed my wrist, took it off forcibly, and gave it to his “master.” Seeing their base behavior, I hated them bitterly. Later when they asked me questions, I just glared at them and refused to say anything, which even more infuriated them. An evil cop seized my collar and picked me up from the ground like grabbing a chicken and roared, “You are quite tough, ah? How dare you not speak!” With the words, he punched me hard twice more. I was knocked to the ground again. At that time, I ached unbearably all over and had no strength to struggle. I lay on the ground motionless, with my eyes closed. I desperately called to God in my heart, “O God! I don’t know what other savage acts these evil cops will do to me. You know my stature is small and you know my flesh is weak. May you keep me. I would rather die than be a Judas and betray you.” As I prayed, God’s words inspired me within continuously, “You should suffer for the truth, devote yourself for the truth, endure humiliations for the truth, and endure more and more afflictions so as to gain more and more truths. This is what you should do.” (from “Peter’s Experience—His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) God’s words gave me inexhaustible strength, and made me realize that only in adverse environment could I understand and gain more truths. If I don’t undergo the physical sufferings today, I won’t see the true colors of these evil cops, and will be deceived by their appearance all along. Today God comes to the human world and works with much difficulty for the very purpose that man can gain the truth, discern black and white, right and wrong, know the differences between justice and evil, holiness and ugliness, and know who is to be hated and rejected and who is to be worshiped and looked to. Today, I have seen clearly satan’s ugly face. As long as I have one breath left, I’ll stand testimony for God and will by no means yield to the evil forces. Just at that time, I heard someone next to me say, “How come she doesn’t move? Is she dead?” Then someone purposefully stomped and ground my hand and roared ferociously, “Get up quickly! We’ll take you to another place. If you still say nothing there, you’ll suffer a lot!” As God’s words gave me faith and strength, I wasn’t frightened by their threats and was inwardly ready to fight against satan in my heart.
Then I was taken to the County Public Security Bureau. In the interrogation room, the head of the evil cops and his two attendants surrounded me and questioned me repeatedly. They paced up and down before me and forced me to sell out the church leaders and the brothers and sisters. As my answer was still not what they wanted to hear, the three of them took turns slapping me ceaselessly. I didn’t know how many times I was slapped but just heard the sound clearly in the still of the night. As their hands hurt from beating me, they used a book to slap me. My mouth tasted salty, and the blood dripped on my clothes. Finally, I couldn’t even feel the pain. I just felt that my face became swollen and numb. In the end, failing to get any valuable clues from my mouth, one evil cop took out a phone book, saying smugly, “We found it in your bag. Even if you don’t tell, we have ways all the same!” Immediately, I got extremely nervous: If the call is put through, the brothers and sisters will also be arrested, and even the church will be affected. The consequences will be disastrous. At that time, I thought of God’s words, “Almighty God is the Ruler of all matters and all things! As long as we look to him in our hearts all the time and get into the spirit to fellowship with him, he will show us all that we seek, his will will surely be revealed to us, and our hearts will have joy and peace and feel brightened and assured.” (from “The Seventh Piece of Word” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) God’s words showed me the direction and way of practice. No matter when, God is my only reliance and salvation. So, I prayed to God ceaselessly, asking him to keep those brothers and sisters. As a result, they dialed those numbers one by one, yet either nobody answered the phone or they couldn’t get through. In the end, they threw the phone book on the table with curses and stopped making phone calls. It was really God’s almightiness and sovereignty and God’s wonderful deed. I couldn’t help uttering thanks and praises to God.
But they didn’t give up and continued to question me about the church. I didn’t answer them. In exasperation, they thought of a meaner trick to fix me: An evil cop forced me to squat, and lift my arms parallel to my shoulders and not make any move. Soon, my legs began to shake and my arms couldn’t keep straight. So I stood upright in spite of myself. An evil cop with an iron stick glared at me fiercely. Just when I stood up, my legs got hit. It was so painful that I nearly knelt down on the ground. In the half an hour that followed, once my legs and arms made a slight move, he would immediately hit me with the stick. I didn’t know how many times I was beaten. As I squatted for a long time, my legs became terribly swollen, and they ached unbearably as if they were broken. Later, my legs shook more severely, and my teeth kept chattering. At that time, I deeply felt that my strength failed me, and I almost fainted. But those evil cops on the side gloated over and jeered at me like playing a monkey, and they kept laughing heinously. Seeing their ugly and base faces, I hated them more bitterly. So I suddenly stood up straight and said to them loudly, “I won’t squat anymore. You just give me a death sentence! I’m ready to give up my life today! I’m even not afraid of death. Should I be afraid of you? You several men don’t know any better. You only know to bully a young girl like me.” Unexpectedly, after I said that, those evil cops cursed me and then stopped interrogating me. At that time, I felt so excited. I realized that God was maneuvering all things to perfect me. When I got rid of fear in my heart, the environment also changed accordingly. I really experienced the inner meaning of these words of God from my heart, “This is, ‘The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turns it wherever he will.’ How much more so with those nobodies?” I understood that by allowing satan’s persecution to come upon me today, God was not to intentionally make me suffer but to let me taste the power of his word and lead me to break through the bondage of satan’s influence of darkness. Furthermore, God also wanted me to learn to rely on him and look to him in dangerous situations.
Those evil cops tortured me for over half a night. When they stopped interrogation, the day already broke. They asked me to sign, saying that they would detain me. Then an old cop said to me with false kindness, “Little sister, you’re so young. You’re in the most precious years of your life. You’d better tell us all that you know quickly. I promise to let them release you. If you have any difficulty, just tell me. You see, your face is as swollen as bread. Why suffer this?” At that time, I thought of God’s words, “Why use various kinds of tricks to cheat God’s people?” (from “Work and Entering In (8)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) And I also remembered at meetings the brothers and sisters said that to achieve their purposes, the evil cops would use various tricks, both hard and soft, to coax us. So, I said to him, “Don’t pretend to be a good person here. You are all in the same gang. What do you want me to tell you? You are interrogating me by tortures. This is illegal punishment!” Hearing that, he assumed a look of innocence and defended himself, “I didn’t hit you even once. It’s them.” I thanked God for his leading and keeping so that I overcame another temptation of satan.
After we came out of the County Public Security Bureau, they directly sent me to the detention house. On entering the gate, I saw that the high walls were covered with electric fences, and there were huts like turrets above the four corners of the walls, and inside there were armed cops on guard, which was ghastly and horrible. Passing through the iron doors one after another, I came to my cell. I saw several ragged mattresses covered with burlap on the large cold kang, which were black and dirty, and gave off a strong odor. I couldn’t but feel sick and then I felt a surge of bitterness, thinking: Is this a place for man to stay? It’s simply a pig pen or a dog kennel. At meal time, each prisoner was given only a small steamed bun, which tasted sour and was half cooked. Although I hadn’t eaten anything for a day, I really had no appetite at the sight of such food. Besides, my face was beaten swollen by the cops, and it felt so tight as if it was pasted with adhesive tapes. I felt pain even when opening my mouth to speak, not to mention eating. In such a case, I felt depressed and mistreated. Thinking that I was actually going to live such an inhuman life here, I couldn’t help shedding tears. At that time, I thought of a hymn of God’s word, “God comes to the filthy place and silently endures men’s tortures and oppression, yet he never opposes, and never makes excessive requirements of men, but does for mankind ah all the works they need ah: teaching, inspiring, and rebuking men, refining men with words, and warning, exhorting, comforting ah, judging, and exposing men ah. Each step is for men’s life and for purifying men. Although he takes away men’s future and destiny, all that he does is for men. Each step is for men’s existence and for all mankind to have a pleasant destination on earth.” (from “The Practical God Is Saving Men in Obscurity” in Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs) I pondered over God’s words and felt particularly ashamed and disgraced. God can come to earth from heaven, coming to the lowest place from the highest place, and humble himself to be a small man though he is the most honored One. The holy God comes to the filthy and dirty human world to be with the corrupted men. God has endured all these sufferings silently. Hasn’t God undergone much greater sufferings than me? I’m a person deeply corrupted by satan and have no honor at all. Why can’t I undergo this little suffering? In this evil and dark age, if I weren’t fortunate to be uplifted by God and follow God, I don’t know what state I would be in now and whether I would still be alive. Today, after undergoing only such a little suffering, I feel mistreated and sad, and I’m unwilling to accept it; I’m really devoid of conscience and sense! Thinking of that, I no longer felt mistreated and had the will to suffer within.
Half a month passed. The head of the evil cops came to interrogate me again. Seeing that I was still calm and collected without any fear, he called my name and shouted, “Tell me the truth! Where else have you been caught? It’s absolutely not the first time for you to come in here. How else could you be so calm and experienced and not in the least afraid?” Hearing his words, I spontaneously thanked and praised God in my heart. It was God who kept me and gave me courage so that I had no fear before the evil cop. At that time, a burst of anger arose in my heart: You make use of the power in your hand to persecute religious belief. You catch, oppress, and afflict believers in God for no reason, disregarding the laws and heavenly principles. I believe in God and walk the right way, and I break no laws. Why should I fear you? I’ll never yield to you gang of evil forces! So, I retorted, “Which place isn’t good to go? Am I here because I have nothing better to do? You are wronging me and oppressing me! No matter how you torture or frame me, it’s useless!” Hearing that, he was fuming with rage. He hurled abuses at me, “You’re a fucking dead duck whose beak is hard. You won’t confess, right? I’ll sentence you to three years and see if you’ll still be dishonest. How dare you be sharp-lipped!” At that time, I was full of indignation. I said loudly, “I’m still young. What does three years matter? It’ll just fly by and I’ll come out soon.” The evil cop was so angry that he sprang to his feet and left a word to his lackeys aside, “I have no way. You go ahead!” Then he slammed the door and left. Seeing that, those two lackeys didn’t continue either. They just took down my statements, had me sign, and then left. Seeing the evil cops’ discomfiture, I was very glad in my heart. I praised God for defeating satan!
When they interrogated me the second time, they used a new trick. Right after they got in the door, they pretended to care about me, saying, “You’ve been here for such a long time. Why didn’t your family come to visit you? It must be that they won’t care for you. How about you make a phone call to them personally and ask them to come to see you?” Hearing that, I felt sad and distressed in my heart. I thought, “Is it true that my parents really don’t care for me? It has been half a month. They certainly know that I’ve been caught. How could they have the heart to let me suffer here and not come to see me?” The more I thought about it, the more I felt lonely and helpless. My yearnings for home, parents, and freedom became even stronger. Tears circled in my eyes, but I didn’t want to shed them before the evil cops. So I prayed to God in my heart, “O God! I feel very distressed, miserable, and helpless in my heart now. May you help me to refrain from tears. I don’t want satan to see my weakness. But I can’t touch your will now. May you inspire and guide me.” After the prayer, I suddenly had a thought in my mind, “This is satan’s scheme. It’s sowing discord, attempting to make me have a critical view and hatred of my parents, so that in the end I will betray God because of being unable to endure the blow. Besides, they asked me to inform my family, just to let them pay my ransom so that they can get money. Or they know that my family also believe in God and want to take this opportunity to arrest them. These evil cops are really full of wiles. If God hadn’t inspired me, I probably would have called them. Then, wouldn’t I become a Judas indirectly?” So, I silently declared to satan, “You loathsome satan! I won’t let your scheme succeed. Whether I’ll receive blessing or adversity in the future, I’ll take it on my own, and I’ll by no means get my family involved or affect my parents’ believing in God and performing the duty.” At the same time, I prayed to God in my heart to keep my parents from coming to see me, lest they be deceived by these evil cops. Then, I said calmly, “I don’t know why my family didn’t come to see me. And I don’t care how you treat me!” The evil cops exhausted their tricks and didn’t interrogate me anymore later.
One month passed. One day, my uncle suddenly came to see me. He said that he was doing something about it, and I could be released in a few days. Getting out of the meeting room, I was extremely happy. I thought that I could finally see the daylight and see the brothers and sisters and my relatives again. So, I expected my uncle to come to pick me up even in my dreams. Every day, I strained my ears to listen to the guards’ calling me. As expected, one week later, the guards came to call me, and my heart seemed to jump out. I came to the meeting room gladly. However, when I saw my uncle, he bent his head. After quite some time, he said to me in depression, “They have already pronounced the sentence. You’ve been sentenced to three years.” I was struck dumb all at once. My mind went blank, and I forcibly held back my tears. Later, I could hardly hear what my uncle said. I came out of the meeting room in a daze with leaden feet and heavy steps. I didn’t know how I walked back to the cell. In the cell, I completely collapsed. I thought to myself, “During the over one month of inhuman life, I passed each day as if it were a year. How could I go through the three long years?” The more I thought about it, the more I felt distressed. The more I thought about it, the more I felt at a loss when looking ahead. I couldn’t hold back my tears. However, I was clear that no one could help me then and only God was my reliance. In agony, I came before God again and poured out to God, “O God! I know that all matters and all things are in your hand. But now my heart feels as if it were emptied. I’m going to break down. I feel it hard to undergo the sufferings of three years in prison. O God, may you reveal your will to me and give me faith and strength, so that I can fully obey you and accept this fact courageously.” Then, God’s words inspired me within, “For everyone refining is very painful and is very hard to accept. But it is in refining that God reveals his righteous disposition to man and makes known his requirements for man. And in refining he gives man more revelations and more practical prunings and dealings. Through the comparison between the facts and the truths, God causes man to know himself better, know the truth better, and understand his will better, so that man will have a truer and purer love for him. This is God’s purpose in doing the refining work.” (from “Only Through Experiencing Refining Will One Have a True Love” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) “…in the last days, you should bear testimony for God. No matter how great the sufferings, you should walk to the end. Even if you have just one breath left, you should be faithful to God and submit to God’s manipulation. This is truly loving God, and this is a strong and resounding testimony. ” (from “Only After Experiencing Painful Trials Will One Know that God Is Lovely” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) Under the revelation and guidance of God’s words, I began to examine and know myself. Gradually I found my lack within. I saw that I had impurities in my love for God and that I didn’t have absolute obedience to God. In the fight against those evil cops since I was arrested, I showed courage and fearlessness and didn’t shed a tear in cruel tortures. That wasn’t my true stature. It was all because God’s words gave me faith and courage that I could overcome satan’s temptations and attacks one after another. On the other hand, I also saw that I didn’t see clearly the substance of the evil cops. I considered that the CCP police still obeyed the laws, that since I was a minor, I couldn’t possibly be sentenced and would only be detained for a few months at most, and that however painful or severe those sufferings were, they would pass after I endured them for some time. However, I never expected that I would have to live the inhuman life there for three years. Then, I was unwilling to suffer and obey God’s manipulation and arrangement anymore. This result which didn’t accord with my imagination revealed my true stature. Only then did I experience that God really searches man’s heart and mind and that God’s wisdom is indeed based on satan’s schemes. Satan wanted to torture me and thoroughly defeat me through imprisonment, yet through that God helped me find my lack and know my deficiency, and thus have true obedience and grow faster in life. God’s revelation made me come to life and have inexhaustible strength. I felt brightened in my heart all at once. I understood God’s thoughtful kind intention and wasn’t distressed anymore. I resolved to imitate Peter, submitting to God’s manipulation in everything without any complaint, and calmly face everything that would come upon me in the future.
Two months later, I was sent to a labor camp. When I received the written judgment and signed on it, I found that I was sentenced to one year in prison instead of three years. I thanked and praised God ceaselessly in my heart. All that was manipulated by God, from which I saw God’s extremely great love and keeping for me.
In the labor camp, I saw the more cruel and contemptible side of the evil cops. We had to get up very early to work. Each day’s workload seriously exceeded our capacity. Every day we had to work overtime, and sometimes we even had to work day and night for several days. Some prisoners got sick and needed to receive intravenous infusions, yet they had to adjust the dripping speed to the fastest. After that, they were immediately taken to the workshop to continue to work. As a result, after getting there, most prisoners got some illnesses which were hard to cure. The evil cops often abused some prisoners because of their slow working speed. Those words were really intolerable to the ear. Some prisoners violated the rules when working, so they would be punished. For example, some were “roped,” that is, they were required to kneel on the ground with their hands on the back roped to their neck. Some were bound to a tree by an iron chain as if they were a dog, and were lashed with leather whips fiercely. Some wanted to starve themselves to death because they couldn’t bear such inhuman tortures. The evil cops shackled their hands and feet, held their body fast, and forced down a thick liquid into their stomach through a tube. They were afraid that those prisoners would die not because they took pity on their lives, but because they were afraid of losing their cheap laborers. The evil deeds of those prison guards were simply numerous. Violent and bloody incidents one could hardly bear to look at were too many to recount. They made me see clearly that the CCP is precisely the incarnation of satan in the spiritual realm and is the biggest king of devils. The prison under its rule is exactly hell on earth. I remembered that on the wall of the room in which I was tortured, it was clearly written that “It is not allowed to beat others arbitrarily, or use illegal punishment, much less make others confess to false charges under torture.” However, in reality, they were openly against it. They even arbitrarily and illegally beat and tortured me, a girl who was still a minor. Moreover, they sentenced me because I believed in God. All that made me see clearly the tricks the CCP used to present a false appearance of peace and prosperity and deceive the people. Just as God’s words say, “The devils bind people’s whole body fast, blind their eyes, and seal their lips tightly. The king of devils has been running amuck for thousands of years and even today it is still guarding the fortress of demons so tightly that it is like an impregnable ‘palace of the demons.’ … The heirs of the ancient, the beloved leaders, and whatever are all the things of resisting God! They have disturbed the whole world into a dark and chaotic state! The freedom of religious belief, the legal rights and interests of citizens, and whatever are all the tricks to cover up its crimes!” (from “Work and Entering In (8)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) After experiencing the persecution of the evil cops, I was sincerely convinced by this passage of God’s word, and had some real knowledge and experience. In the labor camp, I also saw the ugly features of all kinds of people. I saw the ugly faces of those who shamelessly flattered, sailed with the wind, and fawned on the leader to win the favor, and saw the devilish features of those ferocious and brutal people who ran amuck and oppressed the weak and small…. During the one year of prison life, I, who hadn’t entered the society, finally saw clearly the corruption of this mankind, saw the craftiness of man’s heart, tasted the danger of the human world, and had discernment of positive and negative, black and white, right and wrong, good and evil, and greatness and baseness. And I saw clearly that satan is ugly, evil, and cruel, and that only God is a symbol of holiness and justice and a symbol of beauty and good, and only God is love and salvation. Under God’s care and keeping, I passed the one unforgettable year quickly.
Now in retrospect, although I suffered a little physically in the prison life, God led me and guided me with his word so that I grew in life. I thank God for his predestination. It is God’s greatest grace and blessing for me that I can walk on this right way of human life. I’m willing to follow God and worship God for my whole life!
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